February Snapshots

February was a very long and momentous month for us. We spent the greater part waiting for the day Avila would join us. The rest kind of seems like a blur - days filled with preparations - organizing the house and birthing space, making activity bags for Ella, getting creativeness out my system in the form of art projects, spending time with Ella, feeling cranky and uncomfortable.... There was just a lot going on! And Ella has changed so much. Especially in the 2 weeks since Avila's birth, her brain has just made huge leaps (which makes me sad in some ways because I feel like I'm missing them all).

Josh took me on a delicious non-Valentine's date ("non" because we went the night before so as not to disrupt romantic dates with a toddler). We spent a lot of time with church family the week Lent began (I always love busy church-family weeks...looking forward to Easter week). Nonna came for a visit and had some special time with Ella. Did some reorganizing in the playroom (scroll to the bottom for updated pictures). I'm sure there's more that happened but it's all in a haze.

Oh! Avila was born! Of course :)

Some new things Ella's been doing:
* Ella singing her little heart out at church; praying, singing "hymns", and singing the Great Amen at home.
* Negating: "No, I want not go there"
* Holding hands - won't walk anywhere without holding hands now, and if Daddy's around it HAS to be HIS hand....and sometimes she steals the hand MAMA is holding...little stinker
* Figuring out pronoun usage; "You" and "Me" gets very confusing, "my's house"
* Moving on from chunky puzzles to more complex puzzles
* Asks ever so politely "I would like..."
* Her pretend play is becoming more detailed - going into the closet, which is an airplane, and flying to Grampa's house; going to the mall (the bathroom) or the grocery store (the guest bedroom)
* Sequencing series of events and recalling events
* Counting to 5
* Going up and down the stairs by herself
* Starting to put her clothes and shoes on and off by herself
* Loves getting diapers and spit cloths or blankets for Avila when we need them
* Is very sweet and gentle with Avila

What's In A Name

Oh, it was well known that we had no names picked out for baby. In some ways I felt baby's name needed to come after the birth. And so it did.

Our two friends came over in the afternoon after the birth to help out, and shortly before they left we discussed names - as we'd done a number of times at church functions. Amanda suggested a few along with Avila, after St. Therese of Avila - a prayer of whose was hanging on a banner above my bed, watching over the birthing space. Jenny was feeling she needed a name meaning strong or like a tower, which also resonated with me. Other names were suggested as well, but Avila had already struck a chord with me.

After they left, I searched for the meaning of the name Avila and found three common ones: desired, bird, and - would you believe it! - strength. It was perfect. We asked Ella if we should name her Avila and she said yes. Baby was in the quiet alert state while we were talking and I whispered "Avila" to her and her eyes got really big. I repeated it a few times and each time at Avila her eyes would get bigger. It was like she was saying "Yes! That's me! That's my name!" and you know what? She is SUCH a little bird too. Tiny and squacky.

For the middle name we went through the list of names that I had written down throughout the pregnancy. None of them worked well or resonated except Tansy. It was Josh who first said "Tansy is growing on me."

I didn't know anything about the name other than that it is an herb. In Seattle the lady we bought our
Cloth diapers from had a little girl named Tansy and I'd always adored it.

So once again I went to looking if it had a meaning at all and indeed it does! It means "immortal." I read that it is "easily cultivated in any soil", which made me think of my pastor's recent sermon on the Parable of the Seed. What a great characteristic to be adaptable in any soil, easily cultivated, and prolifically transplanted. Best of all, there is a tradition about it rooted in Easter.

"It is connected with some interesting old customs observed at Easter time, when even archbishops and bishops played handball with men of their congregation, and a Tansy cake was the reward of the victors. These Tansy cakes were made from the young leaves of the plant, mixed with eggs, and were thought to purify the humours of the body after the limited fare of Lent. In time, this custom obtained a kind of symbolism, and Tansies, as these cakes were called, came to be eaten on Easter Day as a remembrance of the bitter herbs eaten by the Jews at the Passover. Coles (1656) says the origin of eating it in the spring is because Tansy is very wholesome after the salt fish consumed during Lent, and counteracts the ill-effects which the 'moist and cold constitution of winter has made on people . . . though many understand it not, and some simple people take it for a matter of superstition to do so.'" (more info on the link above)

What a perfect name for our little Lenten baby, who will be baptized at the Easter vigil. Maybe we should make some tansy cakes for the occasion.

Today our midwife came to check up on us. She had been visiting with a mother/friend who was enraptured that we'd chosen Tansy. She told our midwife that Tansies are protective herbs and farmers will plant them instead of using fences because deer don't like them. She said that Avila will be protective of all those around her. How beautiful!

And Then There Were Four

Monday was beautiful. Sunny and warm. Ella and I walked around the mall, looking for a comfy dress that we never found, and then took a hike together - her on my back. We'd had a rough few days of her being cranky and sick, and me being cranky and uncomfortable. It was nice to just have some happy "us" time. Especially since it was about to be the last time before our baby came to join us - even though I was resigned to the birth possibly being a week away still.

The night progressed as any other. We put Ella to bed. We had some ice cream and watched a show together. Then went to bed ourselves. I kept waking up to pee and repeatedly had a dream that my baby carrier was tied too tight around my belly, putting pressure on my bladder. (Time: 4:45) Then I had a contraction that was very low and realized my dreams were caused by contractions. I thought about getting up then because of how quick Ella's labor went from that first feeling, but I decided to wait a bit. By the 3rd contraction I had to breathe consciously and felt rectal pressure and knew I should go downstairs and call my midwife since she lives 40 mins away. (Time: 5:06) We decided she should come then and have her assistant - who lives two miles from us - meet her at the house instead of before - really I just couldn't make a decision about people helping me. I was told later that my midwife's husband (who's heard 30+ years of labor calls) said he didn't think I sounded in labor at all. Ha!

Looking back I think I was bordering on transition. After hanging up I started feeling shaky and despondent. I called a midwife-in-training friend and a doula friend - both prayer warriors from a distance - to let them know the midwife had been called. (Time: 5:20) I got a little weepy and said I was scared. My other prayer women were texted as well. I remember Josh came down and we hugged and I said something similar about fear. He said, "We can do this." As I was walking back upstairs, words from my Midwife's book - which I'd just finished reading - ran through my mind. Only I can labor for me. Only I can birth my baby.

I went into the birth room to fold baby clothes - my planned early labor project -and told Josh to "Read a book or something," thinking it'd be a while. I had two contractions while folding the clothes and after the second one said "screw it!" and threw the clothes back in the basket.
Then I had a contraction while on all fours and I couldn't rock through it or find a movement to help. Up until now I had "haaaaa"d through contractions while thinking "huuuuge," but this time I lost my "haaaaa"s and just cried. Josh rubbed my lower back which helped.  I felt rectal pressure and leaned away from it - perhaps unconsciously resisting pushing. After that contraction I just cried for a bit. Facing the inevitable is freaking scary.

Standing seemed like it would feel better and I felt a little wet, so we went to the bathroom. And this is where it all gets crazy. I sat on the toilet and see bloody show - which I'd suspected. Then a contraction came and I stood, leaning over a little, hubby rubbing my back. (Ha, he says "You know it's a short labor when you can recount it by contractions.") After it ended I noticed my mouth tasted gross and asked for a toothbrush and peppermint oil. This is Josh's favorite part of the the whole ordeal because I just zoned out for a minute or so brushing my teeth on the toilet. And man! It was cathartic, calming and energizing. I was thinking "I should do this in between every contraction!" Little did I know this was my breather. (Time: 6:00ish)

The next contraction broke my waters with a little pop and splash into the toilet. I don't recall if this was all one contraction but do recall feeling the head start to descend through my cervix. Well if I wasn't fully dilated baby wouldn't be coming, I thought, and put my hand down for counter pressure. I told josh to run and get a hot compress from the other room. In the mere moments he was gone I felt baby rotate through my cervix and my body made me push in 2 second spurts. The head began crowning into my hand. I needed to be on all fours to minimize possible tearing but just couldn't get down. I leaned forward with the free hand 3 feet over to the wall in front of me for perineal "slack". The ring of fire burned and I melted into it for a moment before my body overtook again. This moment was a combustion of sheer terror and steady courage, utter weakness and absolute strength. All those emotions and all those physical feelings (which I did not have with Ella's birth) rushed through me and I faced them in solidarity. No one can do this for me. Josh came back asking where to put the cloth "On my perineum!" I said - like, duh. What I did not know was that the head had just slipped out with two little sets of fingers folding out under the chin. Like a little bird perched on a branch. A little gurgly cry was let out while the body was still in me. (Time: 6:03ish) I felt the cord was loosely around the neck so kept the head between my legs while the body slipped into Josh's hands, and then unlooped the cord - which had already stopped pulsing. Baby was completely pink, crying, smothered in vernix and we were stunned. Oh my goodness! We just did this! US! Together!

As we started down the hall back to the bedroom we heard our midwife come in the door - just minutes after the birth. (Time: 6:05ish) "We're up here!....With a baby!" "Whaaat?!" she screeched. I laughed, and it still makes me laugh.

I did end up tearing (which had been a fear from the 4th degree with Ella), but it wasn't bad and was able to be stitched at home in my bed...while I held my baby and didn't miss a second.

My midwife laid me down and helped catch the placenta and made sure it was whole. I laid with baby on my chest under a blanket and felt around baby's bum and said "Well, I don't feel any balls!" Josh, of course, already knew it was a girl. I "knew" it'd be a girl :) The midwife then peeked at the baby and "anointed" all our foreheads with vernix. Ella had slept through everything, but I believe she was awake by this point and in daddy's arms. Baby - who was yet unnamed - did the crawl to the breast, latched herself on and stayed that way for an hour. It was beautiful...incredible...amazing!! These God-filled instincts are just phenomenal. The stitching was done. The placenta was analyzed more and photographed. Baby was weighed, 6 pounds 2 ounces (and later measured in at 19" long, 13" head). Then we did the cord burning ceremony to separate baby from her placenta.

Everything this day - other than the birth itself - was slow and methodical, which I really appreciated. The burning took about 30 minutes to complete and was just lovely. Our assistant held incense of sage, cedar wood and lavender to cover up the flesh-burning smell. Josh and I (and our midwife after we switched to hold baby) held beeswax candles on either side of the cord, which gave off a delightful scent of honey. Our midwife held the box I'd made. Our room smelled great the rest of the day.

Shortly thereafter the midwife and her assistant went on with their day and we were left with...normalcy. Josh played with Ella and we ate and I took care of our newest member. An ordinary miracle for sure! It took Ella a little while to warm up to the baby but by the afternoon they were nursing together and Ella was caressing tiny hands and cheeks, giving kisses and hugs, and really just smitten. She would cry if baby lost her latch, "Baby needs baba!" Very sweet and caring, my little big Ella.

The funny thing about my midwife not being there while laboring is that her spirit very much was. Since I'd just finished reading her book filled with birth stories, I knew what she'd say or what she'd do and heard her voice in my head. I told her later that my baby may not have been born into her hands, but her hands were on my heart while birthing.

Our chiropractor came and adjusted baby and I. So wonderful. And then two dear friends came over to help out, which later led to the name inspiration. She'd been nameless until then and in the evening, after they left, Avila Tansy was decided upon. More will be explained in a separate post.

My brother and his family dropped off dinner and I had some sweet time with my sister in law. Cherished moments. So thankful to be near both family and church family this time and celebrate new life in the communion of others.