Transitions

Transitions...I kind of love them. The process of going through, cleaning out, passing on, closing doors, saying goodbye. I feel light. I never knew a decision to move could be so relieving. I've realized how much I am capable of doing when I strive for it, I've found the courage to "just do it!", and I've also found the courage to say goodbye to things that are really just burdens - even if they are good in and of themselves.

I'm realizing just how much I'd bought into our consumerist culture that says "more is better". I'm realizing that I'm a highly sensitive person and that the clutter of my space affects not only my ability to think, function, and mother well, but it also affects the quality of my spiritual life. As the book, Simplify, so aptly put it - if you're closets are stuffed full and disorganized, what do you think you're like on the inside? This is so true for *me*.  I'm realizing how the environment of my home (and the location as well) has kept me from welcoming people into it without inhibition; that having everything I *think* I need has actually prevented neighborly connections (like, "hey, can I borrow....). I'm realizing the opportunities I've missed out on relationships with my neighbors here because of my fears. For the past three summers I've wanted to seek gardening advice from a woman down the street. I never did. And I regret it. I won't make that mistake again. In our new place, I'm just going to do it!

For the last year I've felt a major butting-heads of my mother-side and my artist-side. While I know I'm both and can do both, because of my "highly sensitive" personality, I can't do both well. For months I've pondered giving up my artist side, and I finally feel the freedom and permission to do that. My creative side consumes me when it gets going and it negatively affects my relationships and frustrates me. And I'm excited to have the courage to say goodbye. Perhaps God will have a place for my artist side down the road, but it's just not now.

I'm excited for this new transition. Even though my living room is completely cluttered with purge-items for a garage sale, and the craziness of packing and moving are imminent, I feel lighter, freer, and more in control of myself than I have in a long time. While I'm purging my crap, I find I'm purging my heart. While I simplify my home, may God simplify my heart.

From our first ever garage sale. Meeting people was so fun!